Friday, 7 December 2012

Dear Santa

Tomorrow my youngest turns 4. For the last couple of months he has been constantly listing numerous things he would like for his birthday or Christmas. It's got to the point that I have no idea what he wants, I'm pretty sure he doesn't either! He announced today that he wants a batman cake, well he's going to be disappointed. I know I'm supermum but even I can't produce a batman cake out of nowhere. Some of his requests have been bizarre, the other week he asked for a Buck Rogers costume! For all you youngsters out there google him. It does worry me though, I know he is only 3 but when and where will it stop. This is one of his favourite toys at the moment and might explain why he wanted a Buck Rogers costume.

His constant babble about what he would like for his birthday and Christmas has made me think about how much your priorities change over the years. So here's my list to Santa.

Dear Santa

This year I have been a very, very good girl. Well I say good, that all depends on how you define good and what your tolerance levels are. Do I have to be good all year? I know you are supposed to be watching me at all times, do you really mean at ALL times? I have enough people (and pets) traipsing into the the bathroom when I'm on the toilet or having a shower that I don't really need any more. I'll soon be able to sell tickets. Lets just say that I've not been evil .. oh OK I was only teasing the kids, honest! Is that not why we have kids? OK, I've been a tired, stressed, working mum so cut me some slack please.

Please can I get (notice how polite I am :)) the kids to turn off the bathroom light when they are finished, a flush of the toilet wouldn't go amiss either. While they are in there it would also be nice if they put the lid back on the toothpaste. I would love it if you could get the empty toilet rolls to magically appear in the recycling bin as the kids and the husband think I'm the only one capable of magic tricks like that.

Can you remove the button from my backside that alerts the kids that I have sat down for 2 minutes of me time?

Can I get a universal remote control? I'm always having daydreams about muting the kids when they go into a screaming match after you have said no to them. And how my life would change if I could fast forward Anya in the morning. No more constant nagging to get out of bed, to get dressed, to eat breakfast, to brush her hair, get her shoes on, ahhh heaven.

Is there a way to stop the kids bringing out a toy if the haven't put the one they were previously playing with away? I'm sure one of your super smart elves could invent something. If not can I have one of your elves to follow the kids round and constantly nag them until they get the right idea?

Can you send my husband on a course that will make him a hairdresser, personal shopper and a masseur?

I would love a device that would make the kids smile and say 'yeah this is exactly what I want for dinner' as they got stuck in and cleared their plates. A personal chef would be great as well .. oh wait, I already have one of them, thanks Al!

Is there such a thing as a device that tells you that there are stains on the kids clothes that won't come out in the wash BEFORE you put  them in the machine and one that reminds you to check all pockets? Especially since Anya has a thing for stones! I've no idea why either. James Dyson has revolutionised the world of vacuuming perhaps if you employed him as an elf he could help.

Can I have a machine that exercises me while I'm asleep?  It doesn't haven't to be particularly quiet as long as it isn't any noisier than the hubbies snoring.

I'll stop now before my requests become ridiculous.

Thanks Santa, I promise to go to bed early on Christmas eve and leave you a glass or two of wine. What the hell I'll leave the whole bottle out for you.

Louise xxx

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